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Podcast Show Notes
I’ve worked with hundreds of women one on one over the past decade and what I’ve found is that rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are and what we want… we are trained to ask others for permission? So why is that, and how can you change your thought process? Inside this episode, I dive into why we’ve been trained to ask others for permission and what you need to do today to take back control to make smart, confident decisions in your business and life.
Who is controlling your decisions?
Today I want to talk about WHO is controlling your decisions… You know the voice in your head you listen to each time you want to buy a new shirt, choose a restaurant to dine at, be more active on social media, start a new business, or maybe even the town or neighborhood you choose to live in? Who makes those decisions?
Ep 81: 4 Reasons You Don’t Need To Be Empowered To Start A Business
Do you repeat this in your head?
I’ve worked with hundreds of women one on one over the past decade and what I’ve found is that rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are and what we want… we are trained to ask others for permission?
- You want a different car – the first person you ask for approval from could be your dad or husband?
- Or maybe you are thinking of a career switch or adding on a side business to your current career – and the first person you look for approval from is your best friend. You are eager to know their thoughts, and ultimately you want her permission.
You find yourself constantly repeating in your head…. Should I do this, wear that, eat this, go there? You’ve been so caught up in being liked and caring what others think of you and your actions that everything you do is a direct reflection of what YOU think others would like you to do.
It really has nothing to do with what YOU like and want for yourself
I let others control my decisions
So why is that, and how can you change your thought process?
Because let me tell you… I was once in that position, and being able to control my own decisions without permission now is a life lived with much more freedom and confidence.
Who are your business influencers?
The first thing to understand is that so much of what you accomplish in your life is a direct reflection of who you are listening to. And this starts with the influence of the people you surround yourself with.
For instance, if you surround yourself with people who lift you up, pour life and prayer into you, and encourage you to follow your giftings, you will find the inner confidence needed to try new things and make scary attempts at change.
But on the flip side, if you encircle yourself with personalities who tell you that you can’t, or that it’s impossible, or that you will likely fail because it’s too hard…well then chances are you will avoid ever making any changes in your life that could lead to more fulfillment.
Many friends or family may point out the negative to every situation as a way to “protect you from getting hurt” because they love you and think they are doing you a favor.
They may say things like…
- You can’t start a business – that’s too risky.
- You can’t travel abroad – it’s too expensive.
- You can’t go climb Mount Everest- it takes too much training and you could get hurt.
I’m sure you are thinking of examples right now of naysayers in your circle who have belittled your dreams. But by you allowing them to belittle your dreams to make others around you feel comfortable is wrong.
They are actually hurting your growth. There is no gain without pain. There is no success without failure.
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” ― Mark Twain
Getting Feedback
Just be careful not to confuse honest and constructive feedback that could help guide you along the way versus people who are belittling your ambitions.
You want to seek out helpful feedback as it can help you get where you want to go and always take the feedback graciously and with appreciation, even if you disagree with it.
Ep 80: How To Find Your Purpose In A Traditional Career Path
Excuses will always come up
It’s easy to find excuses for why you shouldn’t:
- begin again,
- embrace your imperfections,
- learn from your mistakes,
- prioritize your needs,
- and believe differently.…
but look at all the other people who also have considerable obstacles and have done it anyway.
Whatever is churning in your heart to take a chance at – know that you have NOT missed your chance.
You don’t have to listen to the voice in your head that echos the naysayers instead listen to your heart. Find the people who lift you up and lean on them. Don’t ask for permission… but lean on them; they will lift you up and encourage your next actions, however scary they may be.
My personal experience
Now to get real personal with you….I believe most of us are not raised to actively “seek our calling.”
We may not even know that we have one. When I was choosing a college in my 20s, I just went where my friends were going … I never really considered any other options… but why didn’t I???
Ep 78: The Mindset You Need To Become An Entrepreneur
We aren’t told we have a choice
As kids, we are seldom told we have a place in life that is uniquely ours alone. Instead, we are encouraged to believe that our life should somehow fulfill the expectations of others.
Like when we were little girls and needed the approval… “Daddy do I look cute?” … in our fluffy dress and matching hair bow.
And when we grow older that we should find our happiness precisely as someone else has found theirs.
We should just go to THAT college because so and so is going there and you can just room with her… and it’s close to home.
But NO, that’s their path… maybe it’s not yours. It’s why I went through 4 majors before graduating with a Bachelor’s in Business Marketing.
Why do you see others picking teaching as their profession because their parents were? Or how some prefer to be homemakers because that’s what their moms were? Or even working at the local factory in town because that’s what everyone else did after High School?
But what if that’s not really what you want to be doing?
You are choosing that path because it was the easiest… but maybe not the most fulfilling.
Making a business decision
So today, I’d love for you to make a plan to take action and do something you’ve always wanted to do or become. Stop looking for approval from everyone around you.
Heck, from anyone around you!
This is your life, not someone else’s, and it’s the only one you get.
Your dreams matter, and yes, FEAR will set in but listen to your gut for MORE, hear God’s nudges and take action on them. Ditch that voice in your head telling you’re not enough.
I wish I would’ve done this sooner
I wish I would’ve “found myself” earlier… and detached myself from everyone else, suggesting to me what I should be doing. Truth be told… I leaned way too much on the opinions of friends growing up.
Why? Because then I would fit in and at the time that felt safer.
Thankfully my parents are entrepreneurs and that spirit was inside of me that I just had to dust off a few times and keep giving it a go to find my true self!
You are not stuck where you are
Always remember you can overcome your obstacles! You can always learn new things.
So never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are.
Life changes, and so can you. It’s never too late to live a life that makes you proud and has a purpose because that’s what matters.
It takes courage to grow wiser and become who you truly are. And today is the first day of the rest of your life because I’m giving you permission to want, be and give more!
We waste our time waiting for a path to appear. But it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s absolutely nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one tiny step at a time. - Marc and Angel Hack Life
If you’re listening to this and feel stuck on what your gifting is… I want to help. Inside my Personal Branding Playbook I have included a lesson on how to recognize your unique giftings to set yourself apart from others.
You can learn more about this mini-course online at kristinkorn.com/playbook
Confident Decisions: Recap
In the end, life is challenging enough on its own without layering on a group of people who try to belittle your ambitions. There is no need for that added layer of stress and complexity. So choose friends who focus on the positive and avoid the negative. Look for those unique and grace-filled people who make you feel that you can become great by doing things differently from most.
They are out there!
Whenever you’re ready, here are 3 ways I can help you:
- Build a Continuous Flow of New Clients Using This Simple Profit Pipeline™ – HERE!
- Turn Your Chaos Into Clarity in Just 90 Minutes with this One Call – HERE!
- Obtain the Support System You Need Inside Our Coaching Group – HERE!
